Low Desire & Mismatched Libido
Low Desire & Mismatched Libido
Losing interest in sex, or wanting it far more or less than your partner, is one of the most common reasons people come to psychosexual therapy. It's rarely about one single cause, and it's never a sign that something is wrong with you.
Is this you?
- I've lost interest in sex and I don't know why
- I used to enjoy sex and now I just don't
- My partner wants sex far more, or far less, than I do
- I feel pressure to want sex when I don’t, or guilt when I do
- Sex has changed since a baby, menopause, illness or medication
- I worry something is wrong with me because I never seem to want sex
What is low desire?
Low sexual desire, sometimes called low libido, means a reduced interest in sex compared with what you'd like, or compared with your partner. It can be lifelong or something that's developed over time. Desire discrepancy, where partners want sex at noticeably different frequencies, is one of the most common issues couples bring to therapy, and it isn't automatically a sign of a problem in the relationship.
What can affect desire?
- Hormonal changes, including pregnancy, postnatal recovery and menopause
- Stress, exhaustion and the demands of everyday life
- Medication, including some antidepressants and contraception
- Relationship factors: unresolved conflict, resentment or emotional distance
- Anxiety, low mood or low self-esteem
- Past experiences that have shaped how safe or comfortable sex feels
How therapy can help
- Understand what's really behind the change in your desire, rather than guessing
- Reduce pressure and guilt around sex, for you or within your relationship
- Find a shared language with a partner to talk about desire without blame
- Rebuild a sense of wanting sex on your own terms, not out of obligation